Balancing your healthy boundaries to make others feel better about themselves?
Do you find that you stop yourself from moving forward as you wait for others to catch up?
That although you want to grow and evolve, you feel as though you should consider how it might upset those around you?
That’s why I want to talk about a question I received, asking “How do I balance standing up for myself while being considerate of others?”
If you’re a people pleaser like I once was, you might have wondered about this yourself.
You were likely taught from a young age, not to “Rock the boat”. To always consider the feelings of others ahead of our own.
Sure, it’s a common courtesy to treat others with dignity, be kind, and say “Thank you”.
But here’s the difference. When we slip into people pleasing mode, we consider the feelings and emotions of others to be more important than our own self-care and growth. And when we add in the word “balance”, we’re implying that it’s our responsibility to put our own needs and wants aside for the sake of others.
I want you to know that it’s not your job to take care of other people’s feelings.
You can’t control how others think or react. If you try to take that on, it’s exhausting, emotionally, mentally, and physically. It negatively affects your wellbeing.
It’s essential to be in total loving allowance of who you are, where you’re going and what you’re achieving in your life.
Life is about growth and movement. You can see it all around you in nature. When a forest burns down, growth doesn’t stop. Soon, beautiful green buds start to appear. Life continues to flourish.
You work in the same way. You’re here for more life… more growth! Everything you’ve done, every choice and mistakes you’ve made, and every delicious bit of progress and growth you’ve had, is what has led you to where you are right now.
But that growth is halted, when your saboteur mind tries to get specific about who you have to be and what you need to do, in order to please someone else.
You become uncomfortable with your own progress and achievements. So, you wait for that external acknowledgement and validation before you’ll allow yourself to move forward, slowing down your dreams.
Ask yourself, why are you stopping? Why not just keep moving forward?
Chances are it’s because you’ve been taught to manage problems. And when you’re trying to manage problems, you’re inadvertently LOOKING for problems. When you put your energy into looking and searching for things, you attract more of the same.
You then drain all your power and momentum from creating who and what you truly want to be and do.
In other words, you’re sabotaging yourself, your hopes, dreams, and desires.
My question to you is, why are you waiting for other people to catch up, trying to manage their life, feelings and thoughts?
Whether it’s a relationship with your lover, children, family, friends, or a business associate, their dreams are not your dreams! They’re not drinking what you’re drinking. They’re on a different journey than you are.
So what is it that you’re trying to manage? Write it down. Be sure that it’s your message – not someone else’s. Then ask yourself if you’re moving forward or holding yourself back from what you’re asking for in your life?
When I asked myself those questions all those years ago, it became clear that I was valuing the happiness and feelings of others at my own expense. That realization is what helped me shift out of being a people pleaser.
It’s time for you to take back ownership of your life!
To see yourself as the beautifully unique person you are. For you to know, that this is your life to live. And that you, without a doubt are worthy of, and deserve all those delicious hopes, dreams and desires that you want to create!
To know that your success and growth doesn’t occur at the expense of others, but rather in spite of what others may think.
Have you ever held yourself back to make others feel better? Please share in the comments below!
“You are not responsible for other people’s happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness. Some people don’t want to be happy; they like the attention it brings. As long as you feel guilty and keep giving in, the one person that’s going to be unhappy is you.”
– Azad Malkhan Singh Lodhi –
Have a wonderful week filled with love and gratitude!
Here’s to creating a life you love.
Big hugs,
