Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle, perhaps in midlife, where you’re not moving forward, even though you desperately want to change? Allow me to open a window for you to what may be holding you back from creating the life you truly desire.
There is a self-judgment cycle that is so prevalent that people don’t even know they are in it. This cycle keeps us comfortable, but changing our lives makes us uncomfortable. So, people often choose what they are familiar with—even if it gets them the same results instead of what they say they want. When this happens, people judge themselves for not reaching their goal.
The truth is: “We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.” – Max DePree
And that, my friends, is the self-judgment cycle, and it doesn’t have to be your reality. I call this the ‘joy of failure’ because it’s what we are used to. We actually learn to rely on it.
You’ve been there before; you know what it is. There is a ‘joy of complicity’ that lies within yourself. It’s that voice saying, ‘See? I told you it wouldn’t happen,’ or ‘I knew he/she/they would do that to me.’ You see, the habit of needing proof that you were right about why you can’t move forward is only matched by the strength of your conviction that you’re not moving forward in your life. So, is being complicit really bringing you joy? Or do you know there is something greater for your life?
Breaking Free from the Cycle: Jessica’s Story
Let me share a story about one of my clients, Jessica. In midlife, Jessica felt trapped in a self-judgment cycle. She was comfortable with her daily routines, even though they didn’t fulfill her. She wanted to feel more alive and find deeper meaning in her life but kept telling herself she wasn’t ready for change. Every time she thought about it, she felt a mixture of comfort and self-judgment.
One day, Jessica realized that the comfort of her current routines had become uncomfortable. She knew deep down she wanted more. She wanted to transform her life and find joy and fulfillment. That’s when she decided to work with me through my laser coaching program.
“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” – Jim Rohn
The Three Components Keeping You Stuck
To change anything in your life, you have to look at the three components keeping you where you’re at: Beliefs, Thoughts, and Habits. Jessica had limiting beliefs about her abilities, negative thoughts about her potential for success, and habits that kept her in her comfort zone. And she knew it was time for a change.
Step 1: Awareness
The first step is you have to have an awareness that you’re in the cycle. Without awareness of what’s going on, you’ll be too comfortable with the same ol’ thing. Jessica’s first step was to become aware of how her self-judgment was holding her back.
Step 2: Curiosity and Questions
Step #2: Get curious and ask a question. Here’s a question you can use: ‘What can I choose right now that would create something greater?’ Jessica started asking herself this question daily, opening her mind to new possibilities.
Step 3: Willingness to Experiment
Step #3: To have the willingness to experiment and let go of self-judgment. How do we do this? Baby steps. Willingness to experiment is a baby step to get you out of staying stuck in self-judgment. Jessica took small steps towards her transformation, experimenting with different approaches and learning along the way.
“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” – Nelson Mandela
Step 4: Seeing Yourself in Action
The final step is to feel yourself in action. This is embodying the joy of honoring your word to yourself. Jessica started to see herself as a person capable of meaningful change, taking consistent actions that aligned with her vision.
Pre-paving Your Future
These four steps are all about pre-paving your future—the future you have always known deep down is possible. Having a guide to support you in being consistent with these four steps makes all the difference. Jessica’s journey didn’t end with just these steps; she continued to work with me, gaining the clarity and confidence to transform her life successfully.
I invite you to explore my unique laser coaching program. It’s six months of me by your side so you get out of the self-judgment cycle and into living your magical life, one that you love. I have limited spots available. Is one of them yours?
Get all of the details at https://susanlazarhart.com/lasercoaching/
