How often have you tried to change yourself to fit someone else’s expectations?
How often have you taken someone’s words, their look, their opinion, and made it mean something about your worth?
If you’re like me, you know how easy it is to slip into that pattern.
And you also know how heavy it feels afterward—defeated, rejected, dejected.
I had a moment like that recently in a mentor group I’m part of.
I could feel it… the look from the mentor.
That quiet, subtle judgment: There she goes again. Not doing the homework. Not following the way everyone else is doing it.
For a second, the old feelings rushed in. Shame. Doubt.
That old urge to question myself, to wonder if I was falling behind, getting it wrong.
But then something wiser rose in me—a phrase I’ve learned to hold onto:
“You’re not me.”
I said it inwardly, gently, almost like I was speaking directly to her:
“You’re not me. You don’t know what I’ve grown through, what I’ve survived, how I think, what brought me to this very moment in time. You don’t know what’s on my plate today, this week, this month, this life. You don’t know what dreams live inside me or what lessons I’m still unfolding.”
And here’s the truth: no one else possibly could.
As we grow—because we are always growing—one of the most important tools we can develop is this simple understanding:
People are allowed to have their opinions.
People are allowed to say what they think.
And it’s not our job to internalize it.
Their opinion doesn’t define you. Their reaction isn’t your identity.
You are the only one who truly knows yourself.
So the next time you find yourself taking something personally, try whispering to your heart:
“You’re not me.”
Say it with love.
Say it with self-compassion.
Say it with the wisdom of someone who knows how much she’s grown.
Because you don’t owe anyone the edited version of your journey.
You owe yourself the truth of who you are.
And that truth is enough. Always.
