(When You’ve Been Abandoning Yourself Without Realizing It)
You already know.
You know what needs to change in your life. You know what you’ve been avoiding. You know what your next honest step is.
And yet — you wait.
You second-guess. You ask everyone else. You search for clarity in books, podcasts, other people’s opinions.
And then one day — months or years later — you say:
“I knew it. I knew it all along.”
This isn’t a story about being wrong.
This is a story about not trusting yourself.
And it’s the pattern I see most often in the women I work with — women over 50 who are intelligent, experienced, deeply intuitive — but who have spent decades learning to override their own knowing.
Today I want to help you find your way back to it.
WHAT IS YOUR KNOWING?
Your knowing is that quiet voice inside you that always tells you the truth.
It’s not loud. It doesn’t shout. It says something once — clearly, calmly — and then waits to see if you’ll listen.
Here’s the most important distinction:
Your knowing is not fear.
Fear is loud. Fear repeats itself. Fear catastrophizes at 3 AM and fills your head with noise.
Your knowing is steady. Quiet. Clear.
You’ve felt it before. The moment you knew a relationship was over before you admitted it to yourself. The moment you knew you were meant to do something different. The conversation where something felt off and you couldn’t explain why — but you just KNEW.
That’s your knowing.
The problem isn’t that you don’t have it.
The problem is that you’ve been trained to ignore it.
THE 5 SIGNS YOUR KNOWING IS SPEAKING TO YOU
Sign 1: It’s Calm, Not Chaotic
Your knowing doesn’t spiral. It doesn’t play out worst-case scenarios or wake you up at 3 AM in a panic.
Your knowing is quiet and steady. Fear is loud and frantic.
Simple test: the next time you feel a nudge, a pull, a whisper — ask yourself: is this calm or chaotic?
If it’s calm — that’s your knowing.
Sign 2: It Keeps Coming Back
Your knowing is persistent — but not pushy.
It doesn’t nag you or guilt you. It just keeps quietly showing up.
You ignore it. You get busy. You push it down.
And then — there it is again. Quietly. Patiently. Waiting.
That persistence is your knowing. And it will keep showing up until you listen.
Is there something that keeps coming back for you? Something you keep pushing down? Pay attention to that.
Sign 3: Your Body Knows Before Your Mind Does
This is the one I want you to really sit with.
Your body holds your knowing.
The tightness in your chest when something isn’t right. The lightness you feel when something is aligned. The knot in your stomach when you’re about to betray yourself. The deep exhale when you’ve finally made the right decision.
Your body is always telling you the truth — before your mind has processed anything, before you’ve made a logical argument, before you’ve asked anyone else’s opinion.
Most of us were never taught to listen to it. We were taught to push through. Override the signal. Just keep going.
Start listening.
Before any decision this week — put your hand on your heart, take one breath, and ask: what does my body say?
Sign 4: You Already Know the Answer
This one might land hard.
Sometimes the reason you’re reading every book, listening to every podcast, seeking every opinion —
is because you already KNOW the answer.
And you’re hoping someone out there will tell you something different.
But deep down? You know.
You know what you need to do. You know what needs to change. You know what you’ve been avoiding.
Stop asking everyone else.
The question was never what should I do?
The question is: am I willing to trust what I already know?
Sign 5: It Doesn’t Need External Validation
Your knowing doesn’t need everyone to agree with it.
It doesn’t need to be logical. It doesn’t need to make sense on paper. It doesn’t need to be approved by a committee.
It just needs to be true for YOU.
When something feels true in that deep, quiet way — and you notice yourself reaching for external validation before you’ll believe it —
That’s your knowing speaking.
Trust it without needing proof. Trust it without needing permission.
Just trust.
ONE THING TO DO THIS WEEK
Make one small promise to yourself — and keep it.
Not a big life-changing commitment. One small thing.
Maybe it’s taking the walk you said you’d take. Maybe it’s saying no to something that doesn’t serve you. Maybe it’s finally sending that email you’ve been avoiding.
Make the promise. Keep it.
Because every kept promise rebuilds trust.
And self-trust is built one small step at a time.
THE DEEPER TRUTH
Self-trust isn’t something you either have or you don’t.
It’s something you build.
Through small kept promises. Through listening to your body. Through honoring your knowing even when others don’t understand it. Through choosing yourself even when it’s uncomfortable.
Self-trust is a practice.
And like any practice — it gets stronger the more you do it.
You’ve been trusting everyone else’s knowing for long enough.
It’s time to come back to your own.
And when you’re ready to practice this with support —
Join me February 23-25 for Your Self-Trust Challenge — Choosing You.
3 days. 60. Minute workshop Live with me. 12 PM Eastern. $17.
You’re not behind.
You’re becoming.
One bold step at a time.
